Conflict of interest declaration tinder dating site
After reflecting on the many thoughtful comments here, there are two concessions that I’m now willing to make.
The first concession is that, as Laurie Penny maintained, my problems weren’t caused by feminism, but rather by the Patriarchy.
But then I removed it all, for a simple reason: because while I have the right to bare my own soul on my blog, I don’t have the right to bare people’s unless they want me to.
Without further ado, and for the benefit of the world’s Twitterariat, I’m now just going to state nine of my core beliefs. I believe that women are authors of their own stories, that they don’t exist merely to please men, that they are not homogeneous, that they’re not slot machines that ‘pay out’ but only if you say the right things.
Here, of course, these twitterers (and redditors and facebookers) inadvertently helped not understand the sort of paralyzing fear that I endured as a teenager, that millions of other nerds endure, and that I tried to explain in the comment—the fear that civilized people will condemn you as soon as they find out who you really are (even if the truth seems far from uncommonly bad), that your only escape is to hide or lie? Throughout the past two weeks, I’ve been getting regular emails from shy nerds who thanked me profusely for sharing as I did, for giving them hope for their own lives, and for articulating a life-crushing problem that anyone who’s spent a day among STEM nerds knows perfectly well, but that no one acknowledges in polite company.
I owe the writers of those emails more than they owe me, since they’re the ones who convinced me that on balance, I did the right thing.
Surely that’s a message any decent person could get behind? Twitter is now abuzz with people accusing me of holding precisely the barbaric attitudes that my story was all about even when life throws you into those nasty attitudes’ gravity well, even when it tests you as most of your critics will never be tested.
Indeed, I spend a nontrivial fraction of my life doing exactly that (well, not so much with chickens). I believe no one has the right to anyone else’s sexual affections.I’m equally grateful to have gotten interesting, compassionate responses from feminist women.The most striking was that of Laurie Penny in the —a response that others of Penny’s views should study, if they want to understand how to win hearts and change minds.I do not intend for a moment to minimise Aaronson’s suffering.Having been a lonely, anxious, horny young person who hated herself and was bullied I can categorically say that it is an awful place to be. Feminism, however, is not to blame for making life hell for ‘shy, nerdy men.’ Patriarchy is to blame for that.
When I started writing comment 171, I filled it with anecdotes from the happier part of my life (roughly, from age 24 onward): the part where I finally became able to ask; where women, with a frequency that I couldn’t have imagined as a teenager, actually answered ‘yes’; and where I got to learn about their own fears and insecurities and quirks.